Monday, June 12, 2006 :::
i'm reduced to a pile of tears and mucus as i read the messages on the card that my cell group gave me. memories and thoughts just flooded my mind then, and i can't grapple with all that meant to me.
there is a tinge of regret as i retrace my steps, an forlorn sigh as i count the cost. i regret that i gave church and cell group the last priority everytime, and my cca always the first. it seems that there is an invisible punch-card i can't hide away from and that someone is always looking and checking to see if i have done enough. i believe that i have, and more, but at the cost of all other things that was once important to me.
this is not to say that i regret joining my cca and doing projects together. i learnt many great stuff and met wonderful people, but as the year closes i find myself back at where i thought i started my journey. i have slept through the peak of my passion, and i awake alone to find that others have moved on and experiencing unprecedented breakthroughs.
i don't resent or abhor the decision made for me to move to another cell group. it takes a different kind of spark to set this dormant passion back into flames. our hearts tug but it is our eyes that see the vision. as much as i cant bear to leave, my eyes see the vision of who i want myself to be in God, and my feet hastens in this pursuit for the ultimate prize.
i love W328 to bits and i can't express adequately how much each of you mean to me. i have had a crazy time laughing and fellowshipping, praying and fasting with you. but beyond that, it is your friendship and unwavering support for me, inspite, that matters to me. i'm sorry i find it hard to express myself in speech all these while, but i really really love you guys. really really really.
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::: posted by Richard Wan at 1:07 AM
Friday, June 02, 2006 :::
watched xmen yet?
the movie brought several ethics issues into question, but i shall not attempt to discuss it here because im confused myself as well. instead we shall look into some more uplifting issues.
did you notice the scene where magneto has all his brotherhood mutants on the bridge ready to charge into the research facilities? it suddenly came to mind that we are all like the mutants; we are all imbued with different talents and different abilities, but yet each is as important as his neighbour towards the cause. every person you see in the same mrt carriage is given different gifts by God but equally important to His cause. so there is no need to envy others and what they have, because ultimately it is what you have that God will use, not what you wish you had.
talking about abilities, did you notice the porcupine boy in the brotherhood? the one that sprouts sharp pines out from his face and body? well, that seems to me to be quite dorky, when you put him next to people who can command fire or zip around in a flash. considering my first point that everyone's gifts are equally important, he is important to the cause, but how did he get to such an high position as magneto's aide? it surely cannot be due his porcupin-ing abilities; it had to be that he must be responsible and willing. therefore, it is not gifts or talents that get you to positions that influence, but a willing heart to follow and being accountable and responsible.
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::: posted by Richard Wan at 1:35 AM
