Sunday, January 29, 2006 :::
i've been thinking. thinking if i would tender in again for next year.
and i realised, i've lost the fire. i don't feel the same passion i know i once had. not after trying so hard, and left with so little. not after crying over something that should have brought me fun and joy. not after being stuck in a position where i don't have a say in the vision, and not even in a position where i can learn anything at all for next year.
it's just a duty i perform now. and it all ends here. no more next year.
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::: posted by Richard Wan at 10:27 PM
Wednesday, January 18, 2006 :::
i get knocked down, but i get up again.
nothing is gonna keep me down.
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::: posted by Richard Wan at 1:49 AM
Friday, January 13, 2006 :::
i haven't said this for a very long time now. but really..
fuck you.
all i ever wanted to do is arts camp. i planned it way, way in advance and was pretty happy when i submitted what i thought was a pretty good proposal. so i was rejected because someone else could do a better job? that's fine. and it turned out that i'm not even in the core comm. not in a position where i can help shape what arts camp will be like. not even in a position where my views will even at all be considered.
all the dreams i had, all the passion i had, they are all gone. i'm nothing more than a bystander now. it seems pretty obvious that my enthusiasm is not regarded and my capabilities are not thought highly of. it seems so convenient to leave me out.
do you know how much, just how much it hurts to be across the room, listening to the meeting i was looking forward to all these months, and yet not a part of it? i cried. i couldn't take it so i ran away and hid.
i'm deflated. i have nothing more to say. except
fuck you.
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::: posted by Richard Wan at 10:01 PM
Tuesday, January 03, 2006 :::
i managed to piss off two of my dearest friends in one night because of ideology. it's so unbelievable it's incredible.
i don't know why i feel this way. my thoughts are driving my actions and words and it's drving me crazy. sometimes i really feel that i'm trying to force-feed my idealistic ideas right down their throats. we are all different and i can't expect them to feel and think the way i do. as she has put it so succintly, " i think ur mad ".
i'm sorry. i think i really am mad.
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::: posted by Richard Wan at 12:26 AM
