Sunday, June 15, 2003 :::
 


have you ever caught yourself in the midst of an act, realising you have condemned it just but a while back? how often have your mind and body wanted to do something so badly, yet your conscience had to restrain you not beacuse it is morally nor socially unacceptable, but simply because you once told someone not to do it?


i actually have this little compulsive idiosyncrasy which i discovered when i was in camp. i can't really put it to words, it gets on my nerves and makes me totally restless when the area around me is unorganised, at least to my standards. these will be the only times you will find me too quick to anger, too hasty to judge and too loose with my speech.


there was one time when my section mate was eating snacks at our bunk table and he ate while reading the papers. with his eyes still on the articles, he stretched out his hand, fumbled around with the chips pack, caused some to spill out, and then he grasped a handful of chips and placed them in front of him, creating a yet bigger mess. i was staring incredulously at him then, with my mouth wide in disbelief, and was starting to get irritable. i snapped at him to clear up what he had caused, and without looking up he said " yeah, later ". when he was finally done, he casually tossed the papers on the table, stuffed the empty chip pack under the weight of the papers and proceeded promptly to rest in bed. it was till that point i couldnt take it anymore. i marched up to him, confronted him and told him, this time with more vengeance, to clear up. when he again said later, i yelled some expletives and a lot of other ugly stuff at him and stormed out of the bunk.


yet, now in retrospect i realised, later in the day i was in the same circumstances as him. i was eating alone at the table, and when i finished my canned drink, it suddenly hit me that i had to throw such trash ( mainly sugared water ) in the main rubbish point at the far corner of the whole level. i wanted to just leave the can on the table and wait till we fall in, when we will pass by the bin. but, i just could not. just because i told someone off of a matter similar to this. i walked to the bin and threw my trash away.


it may seem ironic, but life chooses to happen this way. and if there was one thing important that i learnt from my days in the army, it is to have integrity. to be consistent in thoughts, speech and acts always. there will be nothing as damaging to one's reputation and others' trust in him than to have double standards.


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::: posted by Richard Wan at 9:10 PM