Saturday, August 30, 2003 :::
so much for the emphasis on platoon integrity, unity or whatever fancy names higher HQ has for it. it probably only applies to being punished as a whole for the mistakes of individuals, not for genuine help offered to a mate in need. never in my life have i thought lending others a hand will cost me that hand, and possibly even more. it is utterly ridiculous, considering that the whole series of events was an unfortunate turn of circumstances, but at the end of the day, i find myself the one bearing the cross, blamed for the cause, effect and the aftermath, because i made the irrevocable mistake of being there to help.
everyone was equal that day, each with his own set of issued items, except two persons who on medical status, naturally need not bring theirs along. then two sergeants, who obviously showed their displeasure being dragged out for sea training, decided to poke some fun at the two combat unfit guys. they got two lifevests from two other guys, and gave it to them to inflate, to have derive some warped pleasure at seeing them jump water.
just after the the vests were properly inflated, the combat unfit guys were asked to collect rations for the rest. relieved, they passed the vests to the people nearest to them and hurried off. the two sergeants too, scurried off at the chance of leaving the training ground.
not too long later, the two guys whose vests had been borrowed had to go on the raft urgently and needed the vests. they could only find one lying on the ground, and rushing for time, asked me for mine. so i removed mine for them, thinking i might have the time and opportunity to look for the missing other since i was not needed on the raft then. well, despite a extremely thorough search, it could not be found. i was forced to share the vest with the guy i lent it to for the rest of the day.
i totally could not ever have conceived my platoon commander's response in anticipation when i reported the whole sequence to him. he insisted that i pay for the vest, since now that, by his twisted argument, i was the one without the vest. i refused vehemently, because i did not lose mine, nor was in any way responsible for the misplaced vest.
it was what he told me next which made me absolutely provoked and infuriated. he asked me to get mine back from the guy i lent to, and he will be the one in trouble.
i refused again, but without the same vigor as i did just before. i had lost my confidence and faith in him as my commander. instead of solving the problem, he was trying to push the blame around. what point would it make if i passed the responsibility to the other guy? he too was trying to help. seems like either way, one of us will be punished. i didn't like the idea of getting another innocent involved in this. my commander said he will deal with me when my course ends. well, we'll see what he does.
they say trust takes a lifetime to build but only a moment to falter. in my case, it degenerates from one level of hell to another. this whole event only serves to discourage mutual succor, the so called platoon integrity he claims he wants us to have. but who knows who will be on the losing end? he somehow managed to make all these into a lose-lose situation. i abhor those who do not practise what they preach.
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::: posted by Richard Wan at 7:14 PM
