Tuesday, December 31, 2002 :::
there's a big difference between character and personality. it's completely two different things altogether. but i think the world is slowly shfiting its focus from personality back to character.
until the beginning of the 20th century, character was deemed more important than personality. people then lived in small, close-knit societies, and everyone interacted mostly with the same neighbours, families and friends. therefore, they knew each other very well, too well, and they remained friends only with those whom they knew were upright and trustworthy.
trade increased, and towns grew into cities. networking was the new buzzword. to prosper in the cities, one had to know as many people as possible, and to have wide contacts so that there will always be strings available to be pulled. suddenly, the character of a person was not important. personality was. interaction was mostly a one-touch affair. most people usually do not meet the other party ever again after introduction, but they do keep a healthy collection of namecards of those they shook hands with. and of course, the person who will be most likely to be remembered is the one with good personality traits. well-groomed, confident, warm, friendly, eloquent and probably with a smile that never fades. it wouldn't matter if he's a liar, a crook or a cheat. no one sticks around long enough to discover.
energy company enron could be the epitome of personality. large, attractive, had lots of publicity, was rated the 3rd best place to work in 2001, and most importantly, it met wall street's unreasonable estimates every single quarter. it was like finding a dream husband or wife. but no one saw the shady affairs going on underneath it all. and it was this lack of character of the company, and its executives that brought about the demise. with the fall of enron, i believe the age of personality is coming to an end. similar dubious companies are being investigated and shamed.
personal integrity and honesty is now more important than ever. there's so much fear in the world, and i believe that, if one is trustworthy and righteous, he will be destined for success. the flashy guy who sweet talks and smiles will be looked upon with suspicion.
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::: posted by Richard Wan at 9:34 PM
Thursday, December 26, 2002 :::
i wrote these on two pieces of the hotel's notepad, while they were having 'fun' behind me. i wrote it in the space of two hours, and i drank quite alot towards the end, but really, what happened that night repulses me.
0049. Gallery Hotel room 7-10. CNN on. 2 girls 1 guy in bed. cajoling 2nd guy into bed. how did i ever get here? i thought i promised myself not to go to any bars ever again, but it seems that is soon forgotten. 20 mins after milkbar now, this looks like nefarious den. whisky smell lingers through the air, soft pulsating noises vibrates through my ears. this isn't planned, one thing led to another. i should have done something to stop all this, buti know one person's effort is not enough. worse that the one person is just corrupted. part of him wants it to stop, part of him wants it to continue, to see how far things can go. he is torn, torn between his conscience and his desire.
no..they are in the shower now and i ain't gonna do anything about it. i've drunk a few shots of whisky, and i'm not thinking or talking straight anymore. i hate this. i have to keep sober, i can't afford to lose control on things here.
argh. there's two couples in the room, one in the shower and one on the bed. it's not that i feel left out, i stay faithful to my principles. but it's just that i'm the odd one out and i should just get the hell outta here.
and what is she saying man. she was the one who gave me ' i kissed dating goodbye ' by joshua harris, but now she tells me to forget what it said and to just get wild. well, i'm not. the book has given me quite an insight to life and i believe strongly in the arguments he has pointed out. i'm not going to give up my principles for a few moments of pleasure, or to give in to my desires. and she is in the shower with her guy. maybe i should just sleep and forget this ugly episode.
the second couple is now on the bed. they are talking about anything, everything, and i'm just sitting down at a corner of the room, listening, writing. they seem to hit off well, and they are laughing at each other's jokes and enjoying each other's company alot. i hear the splattering sound of water spraying, an occasional knock on the bathroom wall, and the incessant chatting on the bed near me. i'm overwhelmed. i feel strange being the only one without company, but i'm alright. i'm used to it. but i'm tired. i feel i can't do anything to stop anything. the shower continues. the conversation continues. maybe i should just close my eyes and forget all this ever happened. it just doesn't conform to my idea of fun. it's getting so sexual, too close for comfort.
argh.
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::: posted by Richard Wan at 2:33 PM
Saturday, December 21, 2002 :::
there's something about the simpsons that makes me so drawn towards it. i download and watch them, since they don't show it on tv anymore.
i guess they are the only source of familiness i have around me now that i spend all day alone in front of the comupter. they might be one of the most dysfunctional cartoon families, but they are still a family, and watching them somehow fills the void in me, and takes the time away too.
i like their subtle sarcasm, how they make fun of every idea, every profession and every leader. the cartoons tv shows nowadays are just total ridicule. how about three girls flying around beating up bad monkeys and saving the world, before bedtime? what is that? celebrating feminism? it mocks the idea.
before i get too carried away, let's focus on the simpsons. the simpsons are one of the few cartoons to have such clearly defined characters. the situation changes every episode, but their reactions to whatever happens adhere closely to their inherent characters. i couldn't have determined who's line was who's if the all the names had been erased off the script for captain planet. the five planeteers have similar characters and do identical things.
the simpsons embodies almost all the different personalities in us. each member of the simpsons is a little bit of us. i identify myself most with bart simpson, the naughty little brat who doesn't give a hoot about his smart-ass sister lisa. but i have also a little of marge's indecisiveness, homer's erratic, spontanteous behaviour, and lisa's stubbornness. you will too find yourself within the simpsons, simply because they are real. they are entertaining because they show what we could have done when faced with the same problems.
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::: posted by Richard Wan at 12:39 AM
Wednesday, December 18, 2002 :::
i've realized that a dictionary is not a good companion when writing. creativity comes out from the heart and is shown through the sentence structure. when there's a dictionary around, there will be a tendency to keep searching for big pompous words to use.
it certainly does not help when a reader cannot decipher half the work and has to take time to check the definition of the words. this breaks the concentration and flow of the work and makes the reader forget and lose focus of what he has just read.
i guess to really engage the reader, the words must present a picture, a picture that the reader can connect to. simple words are capable of that, since there is an image associated with every common word. big words distant the writer and reader, and do not build any relations.
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::: posted by Richard Wan at 1:09 PM
Tuesday, December 17, 2002 :::
i have been ill the past few days. it was really terrible. every waking moment was sheer agony.
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::: posted by Richard Wan at 1:28 PM
Thursday, December 12, 2002 :::
i don't know why, but i always feel empty after coming home from camps and such. last night was prom, and we had great fun playing and talking in the hotel room. but as i was taking the train back home alone, i felt very empty, like there's something missing in my life, but i just can't seem to pinpoint exactly what's wrong. and that life has suddenly lost its direction.
i told sharon about it, and she told me she used to feel this way too. she said although she was popular with other people, it was still never enough. she also said that she had based her life, her words and actions on how others would percieve her, but when she's alone, with no one to judge her, she didn't know what to do.
she told me i probably felt this way because i gave a piece of heart to what i was doing there, so when i came back, there's this sense of emptiness. i was also looking for love and to be loved but there were none. so i went out complete and came back with a piece missing.
maybe i placed the focus of my life on the wrongs things, like actively seeking love and wallowing in self-pity. if i had placed my faith in God, i probably wouldnn't feel this way. my God is a God of abundance, and when i give a part of myself away, He will certainly replace it, sometimes with more, so i actually receive much more than i've given. the love and attention that i seek will come to me eventaully, and in such abundance that i could never have dreamed of.
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::: posted by Richard Wan at 12:56 PM
Wednesday, December 11, 2002 :::
last night was prom, but there's nothing much to it, just the simple dinner and games event. i'm fatigued. i came home at 1pm today and went out and 5 for the last session of A.R. Benard's seminar.
well, we went to chinablack to club after prom. i guess clubs are not quite my place. the songs they play just ain't my type and the ultra strong bass sounds makes breathing a chore. and the dancefloor was packed with people dancing. dancing probably isn't the accurate word to use, i think swaying and jerking are more appropriate. i don't know if i'm missing out on something, but i feel most people on the dancefloor have no sense of rhythm. they just jerk thier bodies everywhere without even coordinating with the beat.
i cannot stand doing meaninless and unproductive things. it's the same as going home at midnight after 8 hours of LAN. you go home at 3 in them morning staggering and speaking incoherently, with the thought that you just wasted a couple of hours doing nothing productive. it really feels terrible.
i'm not going to any clubs ever again.
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::: posted by Richard Wan at 11:21 PM
Tuesday, December 10, 2002 :::
ok, i'm back. actually i came back yesterday, but i was dead tired. and i just came back from Rev Dr. A. R. Bernard's seminar. i'm overwhelmed by his powerful message and i'm rather exhausted now. but i thought i might finish this post first.
it rained and rained there, and most of the activites planned couldn't be done or completed. however, it was quite a experience for me and it somehow brought me and two people i thought i didn't like closer.
after i learnt what happened between him and shih jia, i got rather angry with him because i felt he was irresponsible and somehow a cheat. we were rather friendly then but i started to avoid him and would only talk to him only when necessary. even after shih jia revealed in cell group meeting that she and him have reconciled and maintained their friendship, i still felt hostility towards him. it was a surprise that he came for the barbeque during camp. there, we did the cooking together and talked the usual crap we usually talk about. somehow, i just didn't feel the same antipathy toward him i did before and we even went for a drink after the barbeque. he's still the generous bloke i know. he paid more for the drinks.
i didn't even know this guy before the camp and we were only briefly introduced just before walking towards sentosa. during the water telematch, i ran up to sharon from behind and tried to smash a bloated plastic bag but it didn't burst. so i turned to the next person closest to me, him, and tried again. it still didn't burst. so i threw the bag onto the ground and smiled sheepishly. he then stuffed a waist float down my head from behind when i turned to leave. my spectacles were thrown off on the ground. my dislike for him started then. i mean, you don't aim for the head when playing, especially to a stranger. i didn't mean any harm when i tried to burst the bag in front of him. i already looked like a fool when i tried twice and failed, but i guess he wanted to make me a complete fool and stuffing the float down my head.
so i got pretty upset and avoided every contact with him and did not make any initaitve to start a conversation with him. only at the second day, when sharon made me help him prepare the meat for the barbeque ( i think she noticed it and did it delibrately ), when i did realise he rather ok after all. i guess all my prenotions about him were rather misguided and he's actually not that bad after making contact with him.
his trip has been fruitful and i have made up with both people whom i have known for a long time and for a short time respectively. i'm glad things turned out alright and that there is no more rancor between us.
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::: posted by Richard Wan at 12:36 AM
Friday, December 06, 2002 :::
off to palawan!
wait..i forgot to pack my bags
i'm gonna be late..again..
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::: posted by Richard Wan at 6:54 AM
i heard this case of a few obese teenagers in New York City suing fast food giant McDonalds for what could be possibly millions of dollars in a lawsuit on BBC radio. their accusations are that McDonalds allegedly promoted their burgers and milkshakes as healthy and they has grown so obese believing the advertisements and eating McDonalds' food. they are suing for compensation for their over-sized bodies and the embarrassment and mockery that is concomitant with it.
now, everybody knows McDonalds food aren't exactly that healthy or wholesome. they are lying through their teeth when they claimed they believed what McDonald's advertisement. their parents should have taught or told them otherwise. why didn't they sue their parents instead? it is simply just down to money. if they won, how much could they possibly win as compensation from their parents? McDonalds have millions.
developed countries and their massive corporations are slowly being destroyed by such frivolous lawsuits. this whole insane craze started in 1995 when a beggar sleeping on the platforms on the British Subway accidentally fell onto the tracks and was crippled. he filed a suit and was awarded a few millions of pounds as compensation. since then, England and the United States has been plagued by such nonsense.
this trend has caused good, hardworking people to believe whatever problems that befall them is entirely others' fault and someone should compensate them for all the trouble, be it the government, transport companies, tobacco companies and now fast food companies. this has created a whole generation of irresponsible people who portray themselves as the victims, so that they can claim compensation, from those whom they think they can blame everything on. their love of money has completely overriden their morals and conscience. this love causes them to blatantly lie, to get money they didn't deserve from those who worked hard.
the most intriguing thing is that the courts actually have to buy into their stories and believe they are really ignorant of companies' advertising. this legal flaw has to be fixed, and fixed fast, before the whole of the mighty nations implode.
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::: posted by Richard Wan at 3:03 AM
Tuesday, December 03, 2002 :::
Napster is Dead
The patents and brand name of failed Internet music-swapping application NAPSTER have been sold to a company who build CD-burning software...
it hurts to see napster go. napster was the most popular p2p network in the past years, and its ingress threatens the very way music is heard and sold. no other technology has left such an impact on the music industry as napster had, neither the invention of compact discs nor quadraphonic sound systems. it has given us a glimpse of the future, a future without music stores with stacks of albums and CD walkmans. it has shown us how music could be distributed to the masses and how every remote song can be easily found and downloaded for aural pleasure. but now, it has become history, a mere thing of the past, and we can only look back and wonder how much our lives could been changed.
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::: posted by Richard Wan at 1:01 AM
